You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection. — Buddha
Cycle 360: If I were on earth, my time alone would almost be one trip around our sun. Now I am sitting here on this ship, alone and shooting through space with no idea where I am headed. I have had an almost year-long conversation with some sort of god. Or I am losing my mind. I can honestly say that at the end of all of this, I am not sure I even need a god. I’m not sure if I am a better person or not for all these conversations. Maybe I have outgrown this need for a god. Who knows? Certainly not me.
Cycle 362: The lights seemed to hover a little longer this time. I still have no idea what they are. Every time I think that I might get a closer look, they disappear right before I can get an idea of what they are. At least I can say that throughout all of this, they have never seemed hostile. Hope they stay that way.
Cycle 363: You know the drill. That which was broken is still broken. That which was working is still working. Man, I am even boring myself with this crap.
Cycle 365: What if I don’t need a god? What if I am perfectly fine working all this out on my own? What if there is no god, and all these conversations were just in my head? Does it even matter? If I am wrong, would this god disown me? Would this god send me to hell?
-G- How petty do you think we are? I would think by now you would have a little higher opinion of us.
-RJ- I’m just at a place where I’m not sure that I need you. What does that mean? Am I a horrible person?
-G- We are not here to coerce you into believing in us. We do not need you to believe in us. We will exist with or without your belief. You can go on with your life as you see fit. We will still be here. We will still champion you and all the great things you accomplish. Not going to lie, it is a lot easier for both us and you if you have a semblance of belief. That being said, it is by no means a requirement of ours.
-RJ- How can you be so casual as someone feels that they are losing their belief in you? Doesn’t that make you angry?
-G- RJ, there are far too many real issues to be angry about. Racism, crimes against children, injustice toward indigenous peoples, hatred toward the LGBTQ+ community, and so on. Your believing in us is not even on the radar of what might cause us anger. Does it make us sad? Sure. Would we rather it not happen? Absolutely. But are we angry with you about it? Never. We are always on your side. We are always rooting for you. Nothing you do could ever change that.
-RJ- I honestly don’t know what to think. Our conversations over my time on this ship have been very enlightening. I am a bit sad that I have never thought of faith in this way before. I’m not sure if it would have changed anything, but it might have changed the way I reacted to bad situations. Who knows? I think I’m just rambling now. For all I know, you might just be my overactive imagination trying to fill in all this alone time.
-G- We might be. But do you believe that? Would you take all this time talking with us if you truly thought we were just in your head?
-RJ- Either way, aren’t you just in my head? Either you are made up by me, or you are who you say you are. But in the end, you are just a conversation in my head. It’s not like you are here right in front of me.
-G- It feels as if you are tiptoeing around some question you want to ask.
-RJ- I feel like maybe I have outgrown you. I feel like maybe even though you have given me a lot to think about, that I am in a place where I want to move past you. What if I’m wrong? What if you are the real author of all humanity? Will you hate me? Will you disown me? I am afraid that I will be wrong, and when I come to this realization, you will have moved on. That you will want nothing to do with me anymore. I keep playing the, what if I’m wrong, scenario in my head. Will I have blown my chance? As you know, I’m not very good with rejection.
-G- Let us go over this one more time for the people in the back. There is nothing you can do that will ever make us abandon you. Believe in us or not. Tell others that we are made up. Make fun of us. Ignore us when we talk to you. There is not a thing you can do. We will still be here. We would hope that at least you would understand that. We are big enough that we do not need you to believe in us. Understand that even at that time, we believe in you. We will be there through all your highs and lows. We will be there ready to comfort you when your heart is breaking. We will be there to champion you in your accomplishments. This is not even an option for us not to do. You are in us as we are in you. We are one regardless of your belief. Call us intuition. Call us your gut feeling. Call us your inner voice. That is fine. But know that it is us. We are there with you always. We do not require anything in return. The religions that humanity has set up have twisted this so much. You all set up these obstacle courses to gain our love and acceptance. When in fact, there is nothing you need to do. It is built into us and you. Religion gets in the way and tells you to be better, act better, be ashamed of your past, and hate who you are. Religion tells you that you are a dirty rotten worm not worthy of the excrement you crawl through. We, on the other hand, tell you that you are loved, adored, cared for, championed, cheered, protected, and watched over. We have always been there. We will always be there. We do not require you to believe that. Trust me, there will be a time when all this will be made clear. It might happen for you on this plane of existence. But in the end, it will all be made clear. As you go on in this life, there will be times that you will hear us, and there will be times when we feel distant. Do not allow the noise of the world to drown us out. We do not need your belief. We just ask that you keep the channel open. You might be surprised at the conversations we could have.
-A (Althea)-Rj, are you there? RJ, are you reading me? RJ, come in.
-RJ- Is this you messing with me? The communications system is down. What am I hearing?
-G- It is not us. Why not trying to answer.
-RJ- This is RJ. Yes, I read you. Who is this? How are you communicating with me? The communications system is down.
-A- This is Althea. We are close enough that the short-range communications are picking us up. It works on a different system than the long-range communications.
-RJ- Ah, yes. I should have known that. I just wasn’t expecting anyone so soon. I figured that at best you might have made it back to where we parted ways. How did you find me so fast?
-A- We were able to use our new smaller long-range ship. It uses a similar drive system to the Ulysses but moves at a higher rate of speed.
-RJ- That still doesn’t explain how you found me so fast. I know that this ship has malfunctioned at least twice since you left. My direction changed quite a bit from my initial direction. I know that protocol requires you to search in a grid pattern. You should not have been able to find me this fast.
-A- We used your beacons of course. I surprised you didn’t realize we would find them. It was quite ingenious. We are all still scratching our heads as to how you were able to make them and set them up for us to find. You have a lot of explaining to do. This invention of yours will revolutionize search and rescue for years to come.
-RJ- What are you talking about? I didn’t set any beacons. I’m not even sure how one would have gone about doing that. I have a lot of explaining to do? I think maybe you all have a bit of explaining as well.
-RJ- Do you know what she’s talking about? Did you do something? I thought you didn’t involve yourself this way?
-G- Here we go again. Just once RJ could you believe us when we say something? This is not us. We in no way intervened in your rescue. There might be a more plausible answer if you really think about it. But, we can guarantee you that it was not us.
-RJ- The lights! I thought they seemed a little too ordered, you know, not random. Was this some sentient being helping me? Or were they just trying to find the quickest way to get me the hell away from them?
-G- It seems as though someone or something out here wanted you rescued. Why that is, maybe they are not ready to reveal that.
-RJ- Now that I am getting rescued, will you still be around to chat?
-G- We were always around. You just were not listening. Now that you know our voice, maybe you will answer more often when we talk to you. Safe journey’s back to the space station. We do hope that you still get to make this trip. We still hope that this will be an amazing beginning for y humanity as they take the next step in their evolution into the great beyond. We will be here when you need us. Just keep an open mind, an open dialogue, and an open heart.
-A- We are about to dock. Man, you have a lot to explain to us.
-RJ- You don’t know the half of it.
Cycle 365: This is RJ signing off. It has been an honor keeping this log. I hope in reading it back someday that it will begin to become clearer to you and me what this god was asking of us. As Spock was so famous for saying…Live Long And Prosper…god I hope we can.